Simplicity

What had merely a discomforting incident been before has now become a world-class disaster.

I don’t know anymore what to do. I know that I have to go to school, attend classes, do my homework, and study for my quizzes and tests, but other than that I don’t know what to do.

I thought I had this passion about chemistry and dentistry, but obviously dentistry was a way for me to earn money to get my life going, and chemistry was just a way to get there.

What’s left for me? Do I have enough passion to graduate and attend art school to get another bachelor’s degree in art? Do I have enough time? Do I have enough money? But most importantly, do I have the patience? It’s not clear to me what I should do. But I know that if I keep on hesitating like this, my train of life will just keep trudging on the safest track. The safest track also seems like the most boring, the most uninspiring way that anyone could live their life. It won’t get me sidetracked, it won’t get me killed, and it won’t lead me to an insecure future—but it’ll have that flat taste of soda left out for too long. If I want the pop and sizzle, I can’t afford to be lazy.

It already appears to me that there is just one solution for all of my problems. If I started to organize my life, and really pursue—not just on the internet, or by telephone, but on foot with my nose poking into things—my interests, I’ll be a train off the rails, perhaps, bound to fall over even at the presence of a small twig in my path, but at least I won’t be doing anything that was already set out for me. Being my dream is going to be hard…

I wish my mind was that simple.

~ by skyami on October 6, 2008.